I’m so sorry for not blogging more over the last few weeks, but I’ve been so exhausted doing my full-time internship, which is going absolutely amazing and I love it so much. But because it’s unpaid all the paying work that I used to do all day now has to be saved up for the evenings, so I’m not getting to bed before 2am if that. So basically it’s a 14-16 hour work day at the moment.
And then there was my birthday a few days ago which to be honest caused me a bit of depression really, but let’s not go into that, because that’s incredibly hard to explain why I feel so upset about having turned 29.
I’ve been taking blogging way too seriously for the past few months (to the point where I would cry over stats or low numbers of comments etc – just last week the blogging community made me cry so hard that I started hyperventilating). I want blogging to be fun again and not a competition. So I’m not Kate or whoever and don’t have thousands of readers, comments or viewers. I admire these girls so much, that’s why I’ve been trying so hard to be like them, but I just have to accept the fact that I’m not.
I have to accept and forgive myself for the choices I’ve made in my life that made my life different from other people’s lives. I have to stop regretting the fact that I wasn’t content with ‘normal’ life that made me follow the path I’ve been on for the past 18 years. Yes I feel like I’ve wasted my time and yes, I could’ve been in a different stage in my life right now (with a career and possibly kids), but who knows if I would be any happier or less miserable. But I have to move on and accept things the way they are.
Instead I wanna try and focus on the positive things in life and try to really get my act together so that I have no reason to be upset about my age, really.
So I’m going to focus a bit more on my life, on my job, my freelance work (let me know if you need anything from me programming, design, etc wise!) and on my new home and my love Lodz.